Below are the 5 most recent journal entries recorded in Humberto Lo Cheng's LiveJournal:

Friday, August 1st, 2003
2:06 pm	Internal conflict leads to important decision please forgive me, but after seeing this photo I had little choice... Behold the return of the king, Chet Van Der Wang! Please allow me to worship you, oh great one. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, June 6th, 2003
6:31 pm	Lo Cheng facts you may not know. My full name is Humberto Ricardo Domingo Lo Cheng, but most of my friends just call me Lo Cheng, Hummy, or Junior. I have been arrested several times, mostly for public nudity. Never been successfully prosecuted. I had a crush on Molly Ringwald when I was younger. When she grew breasts, I lost all interest. I have the mutant ability to fully digest corn. My fingers are 3 1/2 inches each in circumference. My thumbs are normal sized. I successfully masturbate to "The Golden Girls" on a regular basis. Sometimes twice an episode. I am currently on Sega's payroll and worked as a play tester for Space Channel 5. Outlaw Golf is my favorite videogame, but I am eagerly awaiting Outlaw Volleyball. My favorite type of music is 1980s heavy metal. My favorite band is Winger. My favorite song is Accept's "Balls To The Wall". My favorite movie is Josie And The Pussycats. My favorite actor is John Cusak. My favorite actress is Joan Cusak. My favorite TV series is The Golden Girls. See my earlier fact for the reason why. I have known my sworn enemy, Chet Van Der Wang, for 3 years. I recently had to move back in with my mother following the Disciple's untimely death. My testicles are discolored. They have strange bruise-like purple leopard spots all over them. My first girlfriend hurt my feelings when she insisted upon calling them easter eggs. She laughed while seeing them for the first and only time. I think she's a teacher now. My mother doesn't understand me. Current Mood: contemplative (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 4th, 2003
3:16 pm	My absense I have been away from my computer recovering from an unpleasant palmburn injury suffered while watching "Saved By The Bell" reruns last week. The infection in my palms combined with my immense masculine fingers somehow caused my arms to go completely numb from the elbows down, leaving me with a lonely and desperately unhappy week. Please to be forgive if my journal entry is depressing as a result. I talked to The Master (not my Master, the Disciple, but The Master himself!) over the weekend. He visited me with new instructions in the quest to destroy VDW. I would share them, but I know the VDW reads my journal and spies on me, so I will not. I have not spoken enough of The Master. For 45 years he was the leader of our order. He lead not only with his dignity and seniority, but by example as well. The Master was the first man I ever saw who was able to ejaculate so hard into a raccoon's mouth that the rest of it's body exploded. That is a difficult image to erase from one's mind. I was, and remain, awestruck. VDW destroyed The Master's ability to truly lead by example. I will explain at another time. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 27th, 2003
12:31 pm	A nightmare. Yesterday was memorial day, a day for remembering those you've lost. More specifically, a day to remember those lost in combat. I spent the day meditating (with regular yank training intervals) trying to reach out to my master's spirit wherever he may be, without any luck at all. My master, more commonly known as the Disciple, who fell prey to Chet Van Der Wang's evil treachory. Finally, after a strenuous workout watching The Flying Nun on cable, I fell into a deep trancelike sleep. While sleeping, I was faced with horrifying images. My master and Chet facing off in their ultimate spank battle in the rafters of the LA Convention Center, my master seemingly overmatched but holding his own. Chet getting the upper hand and then, when all seemed lost, my master working up such a frenzied jerk that even the VDW was taken by suprise and could only watch in awe. As my master prepared to open fire upon Chet with his final solution load, Chet broke all of the Order's rules and squirted a miniature batch into my master's right eye, causing my master to lose control of his jerk and misfire a deadly, massive scalding burst of manjuice into his own face, disfiguring himself horribly and, due to the pressure my master was exerting upon his testicles while spewing forth this load, his balls blasted from his scrotum and shot out of the end of my master's dong. The nightmare image of my Master's lifeless body lying there, half his face burned off and his nuts dangling from the end of his weiner, haunts me to this day. Upon awaking, I needed to draw the following picture to try to convey some of the horror of what I have seen, but please take note that my jerking prowess has given me buff fingers. This makes drawing difficult. Warning, my master's pain is on display. I will avenge you, my master! Current Mood: artistic (Comment on this)
Sunday, May 25th, 2003
6:58 pm	Hello. My name is Humberto, though I am more commonly known as Disciple Jr. I have been sent here to live journal to attempt to track down a man named Chet Van Der Wang, a former member of a sacred sect of which I am a member-in-training. His crimes against nature and humanity cannot be forgiven, and it is my sworn duty to bring him to justice. If that means I have to engage him in open spank warfare, so be it. This is my mission statement. Current Mood: contemplative (1 Comment |Comment on this)